"death makes angels of us all......"

"....and gives us wings where we had shoulders smooth as ravens claws"

A year ago today I was sitting in a hospice room with my family, holding my mums hand as she slipped away from us....it truly was the most life shattering and life changing thing I have ever had to endure.

And even though it was a huge relief when she passed, knowing she would no longer be in pain and suffering, it was also the most painful moment of my life.

I stayed at mums house for a few weeks after she passed to sort out all her belongings, its weird how deafening the emptiness and quiet can be......that doesn't go away...

mum was truly the bravest lady I will ever have the pleasure of knowing, she endured so much in her life and when she decided that she couldnt live the way she had been anymore, she made the decision with courage, beauty and dignity.  She had renal failure, had received 2 kidney transplants and was told that she was going to have to go back on dialysis and eventually have another transplant....she had had enough..

She made the decision that she was going to stop taking her anti-rejection medications and go as painlessly and quickly as possible, but when it came down to it I had to make the decision for her to stop the medication because I knew it was time...it's really not easy becoming the decision maker in times like that and I couldn't have got through it without the help of my lil brother Kieran and the support of Anna and Alex

I'm extremely grateful that we all had the time and opportunity to say the things we needed to say to each other, to hold her hand and look in her eyes ands tell I love her, to crawl into bed with her at 3 in the morning and watch the food channel, to get to nurse and bathe her and to be there when she left us so she wouldnt be afraid and alone..

I encourage anybody that might read this to reach out to a loved one today, give them a hug, a phone call, tell them you love them! 

Nothing is more important in life than loved ones and the experiences you have with them.

Mum you were my best friend, my whole heart and soul and I miss the shit out of you with every fibre of myself.  I would give up everything to hear you on the end of the phone or to hold your hand and laugh about how we have the same fingers except mine are fatter!!!

Vicki Marlene Hansen

07/10/1958-10/02/2011